Safe Place...

My safe place is where my heart can rest--a place where I can be. In this place, I can laugh and cry and invite my friends. Here, in safety, I will feel like a girl, like a woman, a part of all womanhood. My safe place is where my heart lives in peace--where there is love and kindness and gentleness and respect.

When I close my eyes and imagine a tangible place I can visit at will, I see a cute little house--a cottage really. Not big and monstrous like so many houses today but one just big enough for me, my books and my friends who want to visit. Inside is all light and airy, so much so, it's like the outside on the inside. During the fall and spring the sun shines in through the windows chasing away the sharpest of the cool air leaving all the rooms cool and comfortable.

Though the house is not big, everything has its place. The rooms are beautifully and comfortably decorated. Every chair and couch is perfect for reading--big and gushy and comfy.

The kitchen always smells of good food and laughter. There are stools at the bar so friends can visit and help while I fix dinner. The dining room is cozy with a long table made from barn wood with benches on the side for sitting. There are cut flowers in a vase on the table. They are from the flower garden in the front yard.

My bedroom is large and cozy at the same time. There are bookshelves stacked with books. The iron bedstead perfectly blends with the handmade quilt and pillows covering the bed. The side table sports a lovely little reading lamp that gives off a warm yellow glow. Beside the lamp sits a wind-up clock with a broken alarm. Then, of course, there are stacks of books. On the other side table is a vase of flowers from the front flower bed and another stack of books. A couple of cats are sound asleep in the middle of the bed.

An overall feeling of femininity hangs in the air because a woman lives here. Though, this room is very feminine, it is not girly. The mystery of the feminine thickens the air and entices the masculine. It is a room where I live--it is a room where, when my man finds me, he will long to be invited to enter and live with me.

The library walls are covered with bookcases and filled to the brim with books. Books of every subject and story and size and binding. There are several windows facing the front yard. You can see the flowers from the big reading chair when you glance up for a moment from your book.

In these rooms are evenings filled with candlelight and music and love and laughter. Rooms where hearts are invited to be open and shared. On warm/cool evenings the windows are opened and the breeze wafts through the house moving the curtains and making the candle flame dance. We can hear the sounds of coyotes and toads singing their nightly songs.

Full around the front of the house and halfway down each side is a big welcoming porch. Rocking chairs and porch swings beckon to tired souls to sit and sip lemonade and rest. Wind chimes hang from the eaves between the hummingbird feeders. The hum of the birds goes perfectly with the song of the winds.

In back of the house is a sitting area surrounded by flower beds and trees. There sits a couple of metal lawn chairs and a little table between. Overhead is a roof made of lattice. Wisteria grows on the lattice and twinkling lights are hung to enjoy in the evenings.

When you follow the path through the flowers you come to a large vegetable garden where everything grows. Rich dark soil stands against the deep greens of the leaves and many colors of the veggies. As you walk by, you can pick a handful of cherry tomatoes to eat while we wander further down.

Just outside the back gate is a cute little chicken house on wheels. The hens have all gone in to roost for the night so we shut their little door on our way to the barn. We walk through the barn to get to the pasture where the milk cow stands talking to us as we walk. Beside her is her 6 month old calf talking to us too.

As we go through the barn we partially fill a bucket with some oats so we can call up all of the animals. There are some sheep and some donkeys, of course. The cow and her calf and a pony for the neighbor kids to ride. Down past the pasture is a row of trees and a doe peeks out to see if it's safe for her to come out. Everything is quieting down for the night.

I go to this place--this safe place--this dream place when I shut my eyes and relax and think about my home in heaven. I go when I talk to my sister about getting a place in the country. I go here when I am embraces by a loved and trusted friend.

Friday the Beautiful

I got a new bath pouff for Christmas with some bath gel and powder and such. When I was getting ready for work this morning, I saw beauty in the pouff--kind of funny you may think. When I looked at that pouff I saw the friendship from which it was given. I saw luxury and pampering. I saw love for myself.

Today just so happens to be Payday as well as Friday and the start of a three day weekend. A great day. I have money in the bank to pay my house payment. Which, translates to my home and my home is beautiful--not my house mind you, my home. My house is a regular house, nothing real special, but every evening that I come home as I come down the street my heart begins to rest and I find belonging.

As for Friday before a long weekend--you just can't really beat that. I figure when Jesus comes back, He'll come on a Friday. Now that would be the ultimate Friday. Friday night is my favorite night of the weekend. On Friday night there are two free days spread before you--this Friday there are three days. A time of rest and fellowship.

You may or may not have noticed that I changed my profile picture. My new picture is of me when I was probably six. We lived on Donald street in Garland. I can remember the green of the St. Augustine grass and the climability of the Sycamore tree in the front yard.

This is my favorite picture of myself. I look at little Summer in her eyes and I see love and hope and laughter--and a beautiful, snaggle-tooth smile. I see all of my potential in this little girl's face. I see her beautiful heart. I see her beautiful girl-ness. As I look at her, I hope to see the same beauty in my heart--surely, it has not left us; surely our beauty is just in hiding.

More Beauty

There is a song by Matthew West called More. In this song the chorus goes, "I love you more than the sun/And the stars that I taught how to shine/You are mine and you shine for me too/I love you yesterday and today/And tomorrow I’ll say it again and again/I love you more." It's written from God's perspective to me and you. I am God's and I shine for Him. How great is that?

Last night I went out to pray. I looked up in the sky--it was so clear. I saw my familiar handful of stars blinking at me. And the quarter moon was softly blazing down on me. I was moved to pray a "thank you" prayer. I struggled to keep requests out of it. Afterwards, I felt a load off my heart. I had a beautiful experience.

I have a friend--a man-friend--who is very self-assured. I guess he'd be considered a man's man. He laid bare his beautiful heart one evening at Bible study. He was speaking to another man, telling him what my friend loved about him. As my friend came closer and closer to his heart while he talked, tears flowed from eyes down his cheeks.

What makes the stars blinking at me beautiful? What makes a thanksgiving prayer beautiful? What makes a man's heart beautiful? I impart some of the beauty--as in "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." There is also inherant beauty in these.

The stars remind me of my smallness. They also remind me of my greatness. All those stars so that I can see them and enjoy them. God didn't have to make all those universes and planets and stars, but He did. He made them so I and the rest of us could see them.

So, those are the stars. Next up is the thanksgiving prayer. I had a hard time keeping myself from throwing in at least one request. As soon as one popped up ready to go out my lips, I would change course and give thanks for whatever it was I was about to request. The beauty in gratitude is humility. I acknowledge that I am given all kinds of gifts everyday that I do not deserve. I find my rightful place in my own life. And, in reality, thanking God surely felt like talking to Him about all the concerns I have on my heart.

Seeing a friends heart is just about the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Seeing a man-friend's heart is breathtaking. This big, strong man showing softness and love toward a friend was humbling. Reality wafted through the room like the smoke from a candle. We all saw heaven in the the drops of tears from my friends heart.

Stars and prayers and hearts--beauty on display.

The First Beautiful Day

I was challenged this morning by a friend of mine to look for beauty in the world around me--actually in my world. There is a world of difference between the two.

I have decided to do just that--and to keep at least some gratitudes along with the beauty. I have a gratitude journal I write in before I sleep--maybe though keeping some here will help me see beautifulness--and maybe even hope.

Eternal Hope is not a problem for me--I am confident in my salvation. Day to day hope--the workings of eternal Hope on daily circumstances is very difficult for me. I easily lose sight of the good and eternal of each minute of each day.

Along these lines is a quote from Elizabeth Barrett Browning: "Earth's crammed with heaven, And every common bush afire with God; But only he who sees, takes off his shoes - The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries." Given that, if I would but open my eyes I would see beauty and gratitude and God and Heaven in all my eyes can take in.

My first bit of beauty today that I noticed was my dog Maxine.

My friend here at work, Leslie, and I were talking about her grandad's place in Arkansas. I have been there. We were envisioning some of the things he could do with the place--like make retreat cabins and rent out to groups or individuals. In talking I "saw" the beauty in his land and the beauty of a place to go in nature to rest your heart and come closer to God.

Thus far, those are my beauties.